I had all kinds of ideas for a theme this week, but I’m
going to be honest, none of them felt authentic. Grab a cup of coffee, or tea,
or whatever your sipping preference is, and let’s have an honest chat.
Here’s where
I’m at with this whole Lent 40-day observance project:
When I started out, I anticipated a deep, spiritual
experience. I was ready to look at themes and think about how God was directing
me through each of them. But as it often goes, once the marriage is in
place, the passion wanes.
The funny thing about passion is how rooted it is in
feelings. As long as those butterfly feelings, or in the case of a spiritual
journey, that deep sense of communion and connection, we feel on
track, centered, where we “should” be. Unfortunately, at least for me, feelings
are flighty and deceptive. And right now, I don’t feel very spiritual.
During this Lent experience I have felt more off-track and off-balance than I have in a long time. I’m
skipping out on my quiet times. I am being hammered with temptations and
side-tracked with rampant emotions. I feel angry and hurt by some stuff life
has thrown at me (I know, waa, waa, waa—but if I’m being honest, it is where I’m at). My creativity is in the
pits of black sludge screaming for motivation. I feel like the more I strive to
be elevated, the more I’m stuck with my soul’s feet firmly planted in plain ol’
terra firma muck.
Last night we had really weird weather, even for the Rocky
Mountains. The wind was howling and thrashing the house. But instead of the
night sky getting darker, it glowed with an eerie red color. Folks from around
here claimed the ferocious westerly wind blew the red soil from Utah our way
(sure, blame Utah). Whatever the reason, local friends on Facebook swore it was
the Apocalypse. The wind ripped through our little valley well into the night. It wasn't pleasant.
But this morning, all was calm and bright again. The sky was
a dazzling blue with puffy clouds. The sun warmed the earth, melting the
blown snow and ice. Maybe last night's moody storm still haunted me, but all I wanted to do was stay holed up inside. But the
sun insisted on shining, taunting me out of my lazy stupor. I put on my jogging shoes, snapped the
leash on my son’s dog, and headed out for a jog. Jogging
is never easy, I rarely want to go—OK, really, I never want to go—but I know once I'm out and, more specifically, once I am done, I'll be glad I made the effort. Sure enough, as my feet found their pace something wonderful began to happen. The tightness in my shoulders relaxed, the sun warmed my face and
body. I finally looked up from my own feet to gaze at the snow-covered peaks, listened to the
creek gurgling in its thaw, and felt my heart rate find its rhythm.
And isn’t that a bit like the
spiritual journey?
I think this week I will dispense with the themes and
striving. I need to quit trying to be creative or spiritual or loving or... whatever. A friend had
this little saying on his Facebook page today:
You don’t need to have a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, let go, and trust the Lord and watch what happens.
Ah, yes. This week? I’m breathing and watching.
Yes and a hearty amen! A few thoughts for you on this wonderful day, Julie. The presence of the Lord is a constant, abiding, living experience whether we feel it or not. The Bible says that we walk by faith, not by sight. We aren't supposed to be led by our flesh - our 5 senses - even though it can be difficult. We are spirit beings; we have souls, and we live in bodies. Our minds need to be renewed by the Word of God every day, and when we let His words get deep down into our spirits, that's when we truly live. Jesus was the perfect sacrifice. No matter how much we may believe that we need to do SOMETHING else, we need to remember that the Lord already took care of it. Obedience is better than sacrifice for us. Are we obedient to what He tells us to do, or are we following the traditions of mere men? I love and appreciate you and declare the best day ever right now in Jesus' name! ( I didn't provide scriptural references here, but you know that what I say is right from the Word!)
ReplyDeleteVery good reminder and one I need to remember more often when the emotions are fickle.
DeleteAbsolutely! To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under Heaven. When the time is right, it won't feel like such a chore.
ReplyDeleteAnd Utah is really not such a bad place. :O) There is a lot of red dirt, though. *lol*
I love that sentiment as well--thanks, LuAnn.
DeleteUsually we blame Arizona or New Mexico, but the wind direction didn't support that theory this time. :)
What a wonderful reflection, I'm so pleased to have stopped by. Looking forward to reading your other posts
ReplyDeletehttp://aimingforapublishingdeal.blogspot.co.uk/
Twitter: WriterBizWoman
Hi Comley-- thanks for stopping by. I'm looking forward to returning the visit.
DeleteMy wife's favorite story at church to explain my absence...was that I belonged to the church of basketball. We all have our own spiritual journey. My knees may not let me play hoops on Sunday morning anymore...but I'm still out there, enjoying what God blesses us with. I love my Sunday safaris.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of someone taking the time to soak in the beauty, you are a prime example!
DeleteJulie, you do what you need to do. As I've grown older, I've become more able to relax and let things happen the way they're supposed to happen instead of trying to control every bit of every day. Blogging and writing should be joyful, we need our quiet times, and nature and puppies do more for us than a whole passel of plans and projects.
ReplyDeleteAnd that wind and sky color was a weird combination. We get winds a lot, but the sky usually looks like sky should look.
I have to admit, I do love how aging can calm the soul a bit. And I think the sky was from the red soil of Utah blowing our way. Weird, indeed.
DeleteHmm…sorry for the troubles that have crashed down your muse's door, forcing her to slip out into the night and get lost. She'll be back though, she always comes back. I think the same goes for our spirituality and our faith. It never actually leaves us. Sending you love, prayers, and warm hugs. We've had strange weather out here near San Francisco as well. So much rain, and after a winter without much of it…strange indeed.
ReplyDeleteP.s. love the new blog look! :)
DeleteOh and I'll be emailing you for the VS release blog tour. Thank you again for letting me stop over for a quick visit on your A Thought Grows blog!!
Oh good, Anna-- looking forward to hosting you. Yay! And thanks for the blog feedback. I got bored on Saturday. ;)
DeleteCould it be that you keep trying to go down the wrong path? Many warn against exploring different areas, but how can one become truly lost along the way if our Heavenly Father is really always there with them? On the other hand, He will not force us to follow His leading.
ReplyDeleteOh it certainly could be. I've been known to take wrong paths before. It could also be that I got sick this week and was feeling the pre-virus fatigue, or it could be a mood, or truly a need to rest and quit striving so much. I've learned not to worry about it too much, but rather, like my jog, just go and relax in the moment of leading.
DeleteYou know Julie, as I read this, I thought of what Lent represents: an observation of the 40 days Christ spent in the wilderness facing the temptations of Satan. I can imagine how off-track and off-balance he must have felt, so for you to be experiencing some of these same characteristics puts you in pretty good company. I am also of the belief that if the devil (in the form of temptations, feeling hammered, anger, hurt) is working that hard on you, then you must be doing something right...the inner work you've been doing, although not as evident to you, is quite apparent to him and he doesn't want to lose any ground. Thing is, with you, he never had any ground, and he knows it.
ReplyDeleteI thought of this same thing, too, actually. Interesting confirmation of thought.
DeleteThat's a good word, Julie. My driving time on my way to work is my quiet time with the Lord. That's when I get my praying done. Sometimes, however, it is good to just shut up and recline at His feet. Sometimes it's just important to breathe...
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing that.
-Jimmy
I miss my longer commutes (OK .. miss may be too strong of a word) when I lived in Denver, for that quiet time. I can't say I miss the traffic though. I love my quiet mornings, just need to be careful not to neglect my time too.
DeleteI think I need to learn how to breathe... it's Sunday I did my usual six days of gym time the usual chores, and I said it's Sunday I will do nothing, but did that actually happen... no! I think we all go through these times of forgetting to breathe and see what God has for us. I get caught up in having to control it all when in the end I need to allow Him to control. I think I might actually sleep better!! Thanks for your reminders :)
ReplyDelete