Monday, October 24, 2016

Starting Over

I think I must be crazy. What was I thinking to leave a perfectly stable life with a nice house and nice life? At fifty, no less! I guess I wanted more. Nice isn't bad; it just doesn't feel vital. You don't hear passion or living fully or thriving in "nice". You hear good enough, mediocre, surviving.

I don't think I would have had the courage to move out and on if it hadn't been for a couple of hard years wearing down my resistance and fight. To recap the two years I now refer to as My Life As A Country Song-- and to catch you up-- my son had cancer, my "baby" graduated from high school, I was lonely, the dog died, and my body betrayed me with a potentially life-threatening, big-assed words disease. Let the music twang.  I was done.

I won't go tabloid on you about why I left: I refuse to be one of those those people who publicly bashes their ex. (A side tangent: how can people do that in social media? Publicly? With potential friends, family, and kids reading their words? Have we lost a sense of decency? Kindness? Privacy? Tangent end.) The fight to hang on and save a marriage was gone from me. Sometimes your heart just has to wave the white flag and realize the other side walked away from the battle long ago. It's over. Make your choices.

So I did.

That was two years ago, and that's where this blog picks up.  I sometimes feel very alone in this new life, my path obscured by a dense fog of unknowing, stumbling, wondering what the heck I'm doing-- faking it as I go along. But I can't be the only one determined to find joy, and redefine the person I really envision myself to be. There must be others out there like me, who want to be able to laugh, ponder, and see the humor and be okay with the fright in moving forward with absolutely no recognizable map. I can't be alone in my crazy...can I?

So that's how I move forward with this blog. A conversation of like-minds. So let's talk. Let's dance. And let's be a little less alone.

29 comments:

  1. Hey friend. I don't fit all your qualifications...Dina and I will be hitting the big 30 together in December. But I did start over. Left IT behind, the salary, the stress, the 401k. To make nothing writing for years. So I've been self publishing since 2007 and haven't looked back. (Well, maybe over my shoulder) Listening to all the "it's rigged" blah blah, I realize life is rigged. The book industry is rigged. It's who you know, what you can do for them, not what you know, what you can do. Blah blah.

    I look forward to keeping in touch with you. It's been a long two years. I'll keep sending you photos of VW busses...for we both love the idea of that long road trip. I have camera in hand. Now if I could just rub two dimes together.

    -Mac

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    1. Oh Mac, you're so sweet. I just put this out there-- hoping I have the discipline and ideas to write regularly. I never intended to come back, but I have some encouraging friends who still ask me.

      I admire you and Dina. That's an accomplishment. Life is very good for me now, so no complaining. Ever onward.

      Keep the life on-the-road pics coming and let me know if you're out in this part of the country.

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  2. Julie! Good to hear from you.
    Sorry about the battles of the past two years. No, people should not talk bad about their spouses or ex-spouses online or anywhere. It's just not right.

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    1. Alex you are amazing with all the blogs you follow and respond to. Thank you.

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  3. Good to see you again! We've had some upheavals in the last two years to, not the least of them was moving from Georgia across the country to the mountains of Colorado. You're not alone. We'll be your family.

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    1. Hey where are you in CO? That's where I'm at, too.

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    2. We're building in the conifer area.

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    3. There are some great writer groups in Colorado if you're still writing-- RMFW and one in Northern Colorado! I'm in Greeley which is up by Loveland and Ft. Collins.

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  4. Julie, glad to see you back at the blogging. Here's wishing you all the best moving forward!

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    1. I'm so touched people hung around! Thank you.

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  5. I'm so happy to see you back here, Julie. Are you doing any writing? If not, I'll bet your return to blogging will be a step in that direction.

    Just got my 97-year-old mom moved from Illinois to Colorado in September, and I adopted my brother's Scottish Terrier after he passed away, so our lives have gone through some major changes as well. Do you get over here to my town very often? We really should get together one of these days.

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    1. I'm so sorry to hear about your brother's passing. I remember our conversations. I'm glad you have your mom closer, as well. How's your son doing? Sigh- yes so much. And yes, would really like to get together some time- let's try to plan something.

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    2. Oh and you know, I don't know if I'll go the publishing route (freelancing). Not on my agenda. We'll see where this goes!

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  6. It's good you're back among your online friends. We missed you. I'm sorry for your travails in the past two years, but change is always hard. What's important: you are moving forward, even if it is one step at a time.

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    1. Change is hard, but wow, it produces so much good, it's hard to complain. I feel like tilled-up soil (hmm future blog fodder, I think). Thank you for sticking around. How is writing going?

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  7. I am so happy to see you back here, Julie! Yes, that is what blogging is for, to have others on your journey with you--the writing journey and the life one.

    Welcome back!

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    1. Nina, what a sweet loyal blogging friend you are. I keep up with your writing as well (love email lists!). Seems like you are just growing in your range of influence!

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  8. Welcome back, Julie! I've missed you. Life should be about joy- I hope you find yours. (hugs)

    I also don't do the public laundry wash- maybe if I was writing anonymously.

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    1. Ugh right? Social media is such a weird thing anyway-- I'm always amazed by the "laundry" I read online. Not needed. And thank you so much for hanging around. I'm very touched. How's the writing going?

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  9. Woohoo glad you are writing again! I've missed you! Another step... Onward and upward. I'll be continually cheering from the sidelines.

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    1. Bestie support always warms my heart.

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  10. I can't believe I am reading you again. It was just my good luck to run into a Google+ from Liz Seckman. I was so happy and still am so happy to read you and have this chance to tell you OF COURSE you're not alone. Many people share that path (and some dragons). I'm here to Hug Spam you!!!

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    1. Oh Al, so good to see you again. Big, squishy SH back. I know I've been off the radar for a while now. I don't know how much I'll circulate again, but it's nice to dust off the writing persona and give her wings again. :) Hope you're doing well. Still writing?

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  11. Hey friend. Thanks for saying it out loud. For stepping out of the shadows and into the light. Isn't that where life is? Boy I hope so.

    I am cheering for you and your courage. Stepping out of the comfort zone (or at least familiar) to the unknown and to live. We only get this one... so live it.

    I've thought so many time of our conversations - those things you said and those things you didn't say. You fought hard and long for what could be. I know you've loved your loves well all these years. And continue to --

    Now, go and be you -- all of you. Maybe as you do - others will notice and decide that it is worth stepping out of the familiar, stepping up and living is the best choice.

    Keep writing -- we need your voice and more importantly living your life!

    A friend left me this note --so I pass it along to you now.

    Be strong EVEN if you're a little scared.

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    1. Thanks, Cork, I really needed to read some of your words. I'm seeing glimmers of how things are falling into place but sometimes go into panic mode I'm doing it all wrong. I hate fear. ;) Love you.

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