Beloved, let us love one another.
-- Jesus
Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.
-- Mother Teresa
This week for Lent, I am focusing on relationships-- friendships, acquaintances, people we pass on the street, those we write comments to on Facebook. Sometimes I'm so dismayed by the things I read on social media or the gossip exchanged over a cup of coffee. We can be awfully hard on each other. In the name of our beliefs and views and our "right" to air them-- liberal or conservative-- we can be unkind and insensitive.
I admit I've not always had an easy time forming healthy friendships. I didn't use to be like this. When I was younger, I felt much more open and less guarded. Over the years, I've allowed a few life experiences to make me gun-shy and wary. Being a "pastor's wife" came with a fish bowl type lifestyle, replete with expectations. I think I've become a little more insecure, afraid that who I am isn't good enough. And I think, in part, I've not always done a good job choosing friends. There are probably a variety of reasons, but whatever the cause, the end result is somehow my skin was worn thin and I sometimes feel like I'm permanently flinching around people.
But it's time to change.
And this is the focus for my prayers and meditation this week: to be a better friend. Being guarded is a form of selfishness, keeping me from thinking beyond my own interests and concerns. It's time to quit chasing after relationships who don't want me as I am, or who don't have time for me. It's time to spend more time listening without judgment, laughing without inhibition, and loving, just because it feels good to love freely.
I am thankful for the lifelong friendships I do have-- the ones who haven't given up on me (waves at college pals). I am thankful for the coffee dates where nothing is required of me but to show up, chat, and enjoy. I am thankful for Facebook, which has allowed me to reconnect with wonderful people from my past, and meet amazing new friends. And I'm thankful for the friendships that have yet to blossom and help me age with humor, grace, and empathy.
How about you? Are you where you want to be with your friendships and relationships? Do you reach out readily or are you like me, more guarded and introverted? How could your relationships be a meditation for Lent this week?
I have a few close friends. I am not organised enough to handle huge groups of friends. I also find women harder to relate to than men, and it's hard to make friends with men without them thinking you're flirting with them. Which I'm not, because I flirt badly, so it's best if I avoid it.
ReplyDeleteI'm too introverted for huge groups of friends, so I get that Annalisa, but as I get older, I am valuing my women friends more and more.
DeleteThanks for the reminder to look outside of ourselves and maybe outside of our comfort zones to love on others! Thanks for your many wonderful years of friendship! Love you!
ReplyDeleteOh didn't this picture kinda make you sad? Sigh. Love you my dear friend.
Delete*Sniff and sigh!* I miss my girfriends. :-( We've moved in so many different directions, it's hard to keep up. I have new friends, but none with the history and deep connections of you.
ReplyDeleteMy deep, lifelong friendships are far-away too Sylvia, which is, in part, why I need to be better about nurturing my nearby friends.
DeleteFriendship is difficult and just this week I almost posted a picture on FB of my best friend, hoping that folks could find her for me. We lost touch after I moved to Alaska and she got married. I think of her often and would love to touch base.
ReplyDeleteI too suffer from a lack of real commitment in this virtual world, it's a difficult place. But I applaud you for your noble effort this Lent!
And I know I should have sent an email long ago - see - I fail at it too!
Be well!
Hi Yolanda-- good news: you can't fail me! :) I love hearing from you and exchanging notes as time allows.
DeleteIn that photo above is a group of women I started reconnecting with on a yearly basis 5-6 years ago. The woman, second from the left, was diagnosed with breast cancer, our catalyst for getting together. She has since passed away, and I'm so very glad we had that time with her.
I hope you find your friend. It's worth it.
Beautiful post, Julie. I think there are definitely times in our lives where we shut ourselves in. I love your line, "being guarded is a form of selfishness." When I too was younger, I was so carefree with the information I gave out to people about myself and my life. Nowadays I'm much more protective, only just enough information to ensure I don't get hurt from it. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but one need not be so overly cautious that we're more afraid than we are happy to share news. Lovely introspection. It certainly made me smile. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's a balance you expressed so well. I agree; I think there is a point of caution that is probably healthy and keeps us from being vulnerable in unhealthy relationships, but there is such a thing as being "overly cautious" as you so well stated. I'm glad WE are friends.
DeleteI consider you a great friend, Julie...and to think we haven't even met in person yet. I'm not so guarded that I'm afraid to meet new folks, but I'm also not afraid to quickly cut ties with toxic people, whether in real life or on Facebook or Twitter. True friends feed the heart and soul, but if we're too guarded, we never give good people enough of ourselves to forge that true friendship. It's worth it.
ReplyDeletePat, you're a beautiful example of a friend I have made online. One of these days, I will make it your way, as is my intention, and meet you for a cup of tea or coffee. You're so right: it's worth it.
DeleteI am definitely on the more guarded side. Like you, I've had some experiences that made me wary. I guess friendship is one of those things I'll probably always be figuring out -- I do reach out but I'm always a little unsure if I'm doing it the right way.
ReplyDeleteI know Julia, and it's so hard to open up and have that rebuked, even just a little. But I hate the thought of living in isolation too. I like the thought of connecting with other women, especially, on a heart level. Here's to us finding our way through the rocking field of relationships!
DeletePS I'm so very glad we've connected, as an example. :)
So much to think about here, Julie ---- and all of it so valuable! I tend to be rather private, somewhat guarded, but have a few dear friends from long ago. When we get together, it's as if we were never apart. My husband, on the other hand, has a strong group of buddies, and they get together regularly.
ReplyDeleteOh Mary Ann, that's how it is with the ladies you see in the photo. our time together was (is) precious, all the more so because we lost one of us to cancer. Oh that's good about your husband. My husband doesn't really have that. Very nice.
DeleteI just read a devotional on friendship last week. It spoke of seemingly harmless gossip (in the vein of "catching up") and the ripple effect it can have. Yet another thing I'm sure I could stand to work on! Haha :)
ReplyDeleteCarrie, you and me both sister. I don't mean to and when I hear it coming out of my mouth, I feel so ashamed. I know, with me anyway, it springs from my own insecurity. Grrr.. Something to work on. Thanks for stopping by.
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